Pouty Lips & Big Blue Eyes

I lost a close friend on the 18th of this month, he had brain cancer so it was only a matter of time. I hadn't prepared myself for it, nor did I want to. It was a hard day with losing him but that day also marked 3 years since I lost another friend. I couldn't wrap my head around both of these losses. I didn't know how to deal. That whole day I got to spend it with my friend, Jen and her 5 kids. The kids didn't know what was going on but I got so many I love you's and hugs through out the day. Them loving on me is normal but it meant more that day then any other. I needed it that day compared to others. I had some pretty good talks with Jen, too. She always knows how to get me to laugh or smile. They kept me sane all day and were pretty good distractions. I didn't have much time to think about it but it was there every time I wasn't distracted by a baby toddling away, girls telling me a story, or one of the kids doing something they weren't suppose too. I went home later that night and I spent most of my time in my room, not breaking down but just in a daze of "is this really happening? Is it a dream?" 

Well, Wednesday came along and things started to set in. I didn't know what I was feeling. My body wouldn't let my emotions out but I wanted my emotions out so I didn't know what to do. I was so confused! Wednesday nights I have SIGN or also known as youth group. At the end of the night I walked out with Jen and her family. Jen was talking to me and asking me how I was doing and I honestly told her I wasn't doing the best. The kids asked what was wrong and what happened? I will tell you that these kids love me enough that they were concerned that I was upset. Jen explained to them that my friend Josh had passed away and went to heaven and I was sad about it. The kids had pouty lips and sad looks on their innocent faces. I got hugs from them but I didn't want to cry in front of them or Jen. I wanted to keep my emotions closed until I was alone.

 So, I went to walk out of the church when I heard Jen say "Wait! Charlotte wants to give you a hug!" so, I stopped and turned around. Charlotte walked out of the door, with this huge pouty lip, with her big blue eyes looking up at me. I picked her up and she wrapped her arms around me, gave me a big huge, and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to break down crying as she had her little arms wrapped around my neck, squeezing me. 

Charlotte probably doesn't know the depth of losing someone at the age of 3, almost 4. But she does recognizes emotion. She recognized I was sad and even at her age, she wanted to make me feeling better. I think her hugging me meant more to me then an adult coming up and giving me a hug. I just love that sweet little girl. Her big blue eyes, blonde hair, silly personality, big hugs and her contagious giggle make my life a little more brighter! <3