I'm not sure where to start with this post. What a surprise! I was sitting pool side and having this moment of wanting to just write. Maybe it's the fact that I was sitting with my friend and her mom and they both are typing or maybe there is something God wants me to write. So, here I am typing and trying to figure out where this is leading.
I am on a trip with my friend and her family. We are staying at a hotel for 3 days. I'm feeling quite blessed that they were willing to bring me with. I'm thankful that I got to get out of my small town for a few days. I can get so wrapped up on my regular schedule that I don't get time to focus on the very little things that I know will end up meaning the most to me. For example, I was sitting at this table with my friend and her mom and none of us were talking but it was "family" time. I'm not family biologically but they are like my family. If you have kept up with my bog, you know that I haven't had the greatest family life. My family is quite broken. Anyway, these little moment like this, spending time together means more to me then a lot of other things. I never had these kind of moments. These moments with a family. Anytime my family got together, something would break out or there would be tension or someone would be downgrading someone. Being with this family, there isn't downgrading, it's you lift up your sibling or don't speak. It's really nice. I miss that when I go home because it's constant downgrading. So, these little moments that I'm getting here, mean more to me then a lot of other things. I just never had these kind of moments. Taking time away from my small town gives me the time to focus on these precious little things and to focus on God. It also is teaching me patience. The family I am with is a family of 6 and we were in a room that is connected to another room so we have the girls and boys split but it definitely is teaching me patience, considering I grew up in a house that was my grandparents and me. I was around my step siblings quite a bit, but I could at least go home when I wanted. I have done really well this trip, only lost it once. Warning; don't mess with me when I am sleeping! Over all I am thanking God for giving me this family and for giving me this opportunity to come with them. I'm blessed beyond measure with this family.
This trip has been really good for me. I am trying not to be fake, because it's better to be honest before God than to be fake in front of others. I am trying to do what is best but then again, I don't know what is best for me because I know nothing. I have never known what is best for me, only God does. I don't want to fight God. This trip has been hard though, too. This family is the family that lost their son 3 years ago. I have felt like a replacement on this trip because I feel like their son should be here, instead of me. I am reminding myself that Gods plan is perfect and me being here is exactly where I am suppose to be. I have come to the conclusion that relying on people is completely idiotic! I'm serious! People are bound to fail you and God won't. I had a very hard night at the hotel missing my cousin and having a hard time with being here in general. I wanted comfort! I didn't want it from any one in the room or anyone here. I want God! I am desperate to fee what I was feeling. That comfort from God. I feel Satan tugging while I'm down. I'm trying to stay up but I feel like I am being dragged into this haze and God is getting so blurry. I know that this God that I serve and strive to glorify will take care of me. He will guide me through this haze and out into the clear again. So, again, I remind myself "Casey. Be patient! God's plan is perfect!"
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