Grief Stricken

I choose this photo as it is pictures of my nieces and a few of my sister. They are closer to my heart tonight.

I am so grief stricken at the tragedy that has happened in my small town. A family from my church lost their 3 year old son in a horrific farming accident. The family has requested that details aren't released. I can't imagine what heartache comes with losing a child. There is NO words to give when this happens. This is incredibly hard for me as it hits close to home. A very special family from my church, who is like family to me, lost there 12 year old son almost 4 years ago. It's hard to think that it's been 4 years and the pain still can be overwhelming. It was so hard to see this family go through losing their son, now I am going to watch another family go through the same thing. I wasn't close to the the family who lost there 3 year old son, but it seem so unreal as I just seen him running around, giggling only 4-5 days ago. It's so hard to think that life can be over in just a minute. Death is a reminder of that, but it's never a reminder you want.

I am thankful that our church is a strong church when it comes to support. We canceled Sunday school and our regular sermon today to come together as a church to grieve and pray, and to show support to all of us who are grieving the loss of this special little boy. We lifted them up in prayer. It was so very emotional as I sat there in church. A very close family that I sit with every week, has 5 children, with number 6 due in January. I am very close with them and I love their children so very much. They are like my family, as the kids call me their "big sister." One of the smaller ones, Charlotte, who is 4, stayed back from Children's Church, to sit with her parents, her grandparents, and I. I was sitting by her mom and she was sitting on my lap. I was holding her hand so tight! I asked God why this happened to this poor little boy? Why this little boy had to die!? As the tears ran down my face for a little boy that I only seen in passing, my heart ached so bad for this family. I thinking what if this was Charlotte (or any of her siblings) or my two nieces who live 14 hours away. I held Charlotte's hand a little tighter. I wanted to drive to my nieces and hold them and show them how much their Auntie loves them. I wanted to sit there holding Charlotte's hand, as life is so precious. I wanted to find her other siblings and hug them. I am not a mother, I can't imagine the pain of losing a child, but I still can't comprehend how I would be if I lost any of the kids who are so near and dear to my heart, let alone comprehend the pain this family is going through.

My heart is shattered, so broken. The past 4 years has been so tragic. Three kids have died in our county, two who drowned, and one little boy who locked himself in a trunk. My friends 12 year old son, and now this little boy. Two, 20 something year olds killed in car accidents, and those who have been in accidents and lived. It rattles me up as I am a driver myself, I think, what if it was me? 

Life is just a blink. This little boy was only THREE. 3 years old! That is not even blink!

I question God why, but who am I to ask this powerful God, why? I sit here tonight with more tears falling down my face, but instead of asking God why, I lift this family up in prayer. Searching my bible for verses that could be a drop of comfort or a remind that God is still in control. He is still a loving God.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit" Psalm 34:18

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

New Glasses

There is something about getting new shoes and new glasses that I absolutely dislike.

THIS. This is why. I just can't get use to this look.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Baby Girl!

Happy 2nd Birthday to this beautiful little girl! 2 years ago I got pictures of this sweet girl and my life changed, I became an auntie. Being an auntie is one the best things in the world! I am so blessed with this sweet girl, she is one of the most smartest little girls I have ever met. She started calling me and knew me as "Ah-Ah" before she even really started talking. I got to spend 35 days with her and she drove me up the wall, but every time she yelled "AUNTIE!" or said "I love you much!" My heart melted and I couldn't be irritated anymore. Leaving her after 35 days was the hardest thing, I would rather let her drive me crazy any day! She is at her terrible 2's which makes her a stinker butt! BUT, she is Aunties little stinker butt! She is also quite the talker. I can promise this little girl that I will love her as an Auntie, keep secrets like a sister, be there like a best friend, but most of all kick her butt when needed! I love you, Carrie Marie! <3

When God Isn't Enough

When God isn't enough? What!?

Wait, Casey are you telling me that God isn't enough? No, I am not telling you God isn't enough. He SHOULD be enough. How many times do you show that God isn't enough in your daily life. It's incredible how guilty I am of this.

Everyone has a best friend or there "go-to" person, whether it's your sister, brother, friend, or whoever it may be, you have someone you can trust and are comfortable talking to. Let me ask you this, so who do you run to when you can't "handle" life or something went wrong? Did you answer someones name other than God? You are guilty, just like me. I have multiple people in my life that I trust. My best friend/sister, two very special ladies from my church, both who love me enough to call me family. I tend to go to them when I am feeling hurt or discouraged. They lift me back up and tell me to pray about it. Well duh! I knew that. Okay? Well, why didn't I talk to God first? We all go to that person first because we want to be comforted or showed we are cared about or hope we will get the answers we want right than and there. Everyone expects pain at some point in their life, if it's physical or emotional. At some point in your life I am sure you have asked "why does God make life painful?" People tell us to pray about what is going wrong in our life, but sometimes the answers we get back we feel like He is rejecting us. We than are going by our demands again, God isn't physically there to see, but His ways and His answers are the best, even when we don't think so.

Yes, as Christians, we don't have perfect hearts? We fail, ALL. THE. TIME! Wait, what! SHOCKER! Have you noticed that when you focus more on relying on people your anxieties and fears take over? If we don't get what we need from that one person, we move on to the next, to find some sort of comfort. When the glory of the one true living God is no long our passion in life, that glory shifts to us existing for our glory and look for gods who will meet what we want and what we demand. When this happens we are sticking our noses up in the air saying "God, you are not enough."We should be looking at God as our "go-to" person. God comforts your anxieties and supplies all your needs. [Philippians 4:19]