Today I got home from Youth Group. I got in an argument with family. Then I went and laid outside to watch the stars with a sweatshirt and 2 pair of pants since it was freezing outside...I realized I had the sweatshirt my friend gave me on. That says "Tennessee" I just was thinking about her and her family and what she has gone though the last 7 months....It just broke my heart tonight so much. I just prayed and prayed for God to calm me..after I finish praying I just felt even more upset and wanted to cry..Instead of holding my tears back... I started crying. seriously crying. like buckets of water pouring down my cheeks. I was in so much emotional pain, i actually started hurting physically. my chest was aching, and i couldn't breathe and i felt like a had to scream. I felt like i had to get up and start my house on fire, lay in the middle of my house and just cry while it burns. it sounds twisted, i know. but i was seriously hurting so much inside, my heart started to physically ache. I felt like i was dying. It Hurt me so much i felt like, all the hurt I've been carefully bottled up, wanted to burst out - and it did just from the thought of that Family and what they have gone through and how I have looked at my life as hard. the walls I've so carefully built to hide my pain, came crumbling down. I couldn't take the pain anymore I went and laid in my bed and hugged myself, repeatedly saying "its ok. its ok. its ok" and crying until my throat hut, my eyes hurt, and i couldn't cry anymore. I have finally gotten out of bed and I had to write about this... I don't know what to do anymore. there must be a better way of dealing with my pain. Someone might think I'm feeling suicidal, but I've felt enough pain, i wouldn't want to make anyone else feel like that....but there seriously has to be a way of making myself feel better.
I've Discovered that GOD is the only way!
No comments:
Post a Comment