Night #3. 3 very dark and hard nights. I don't understand what is wrong with me. I will never understand why just randomly I will get nights I can't sleep and I am unbelievably emotional. 3 nights so far, I have slept very little and I have been incredible upset or emotional. Today I didn't get much chance to be because I had a friend over but when she fell asleep last night, I could have had a breakdown but I decided it was a bad idea. I get like this every so often where I feel like I am having an anxiety attack, drowning, spinning, and overflowing emotions that I have been stuffed down for so very long. It doesn't help that I don't sleep, no sleep makes me emotional. When I am already emotional and then no sleep which makes me emotional, it's double the time. It's terrible. I wish I could be normal and manage my emotions better or I wish I didn't have any emotions at all. Nights like these as I sit here figuring out what to do with my hands so I can stop shaking momentarily. Typing does the trick, but if I stop to think about my thoughts, they start to shake again. I wish all these emotions that are there, would just come out and relieve some stress. Crying would be nice, too. SOMETHING. Just something to make me feel better. I have prayed and read my bible and nothing changes. So I do it again and still nothing changes. It's God's timing and I am where I am suppose to be. I am trying not to make decisions off of these emotions I am feeling but sometimes it's very hard. I am looking to Christ and leaning on him because he is my solid rock. I know this walk will be hard but it's a walk I am SO taking and a walk that is SO worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment