Realize

So I have always told myself no one cares about me no one loves me but its all because of feeling so depressed. I mean how could anyone stand being around me. I have realized that I am loved by people for who I am. My Youth Pastor and His Wife for sure. Besides them I have one other person who knows me as well as them and that is Jen. She also goes to my church. She is one of the most caring and loving person I know. She is someone who knows me and really knows who I really am and still accepts me through all my flaws, mistakes, heartaches, issues and everything that is wrong with me and everything that is good with me. She still loves me for who I am. Still Cares about me and never judges me for who I am. I couldn't Thank God enough for putting her in my life. The past 3 year he has worked through her to me. It has been incredible that he has used her to work through me. I have never understood Why her? or even Why me? She could of help one of the other youth or he could have used someone else to work through to me. It has been difficult to answer but I have realized he has his reasons. I don't regret meeting her or telling her anything that I have told her. Why? Because she won't say anything and if I mess up she isn't going to leave like a lot of people in my life. She isn't going to judge me.

Gods work is amazing. He controls all. Like I said I am very blessed to have her in my life and I couldn't thank God enough! To me its like giving me a second chance to live my life for him. 4 years ago I was in such a deep depression and all i wanted to do is kill myself and hurt myself to make everyone stop loving me so I could kill myself and no one would care and eventually just forget all about me like I never existed but then again I felt like I didn't even exist. The last 4 years I have struggled with deep depression and if it wasn't for God putting Jen into my life. I wouldn't be here today. As of today I still struggle with depression but I am living everyday for God and trying to live by his word. Its hard but it is going to be so worth it in the end!

Today I thank God for giving me this "Chance". I thank God for helping me Realize everything that I have in the last year!