6 days and anxious

It's October 1st today. Which means that in 6 days, I return home from visiting my sister in Ohio. I can't tell you how good it has been to be with her for over a month.

I'm worried though. I don't want to leave. I'm worried about how I'm feeling... I have prayed and prayed about what I should do. I feel God telling me to stay here because there is work to be done, but as of right now, I'm still getting on a plane in 6 days to return home. It's not that I'm not excited, I'm excited to return home to see the people I care about and love. To return to my church. To see my family! I'm looking forward to that, but I feel like God is telling me No, You need to be here, in Ohio.

I'm trying so hard to figure out what to do and to listen to Gods voice. My sister who has gone through some very hard stuff the last  two-two and a half years, is a mess. I won't put it lightly, she is a mess all around. I can look right past all that act and walls, I see her hurting and feeling lost. When I first arrived my sister would laugh and I saw so much pain in her eyes. When I see my sister laugh now, there is less pain and more joy. God has been working in me, to help her. My sister says she needs me and she might, but God is the one who works in me to be what she needs. I'm glad I can bring some joy to her life.

When I saw my sister the first time she visited after moving to Ohio, when she saw me, she gave me the biggest hug, almost tackling me and if I recall, she actually kissed me on the cheek, too. She also gave me this big smile, that sparkled. (Which she gave to her youngest daughter!) I don't see that in my sister anymore, I see heartache and feeling destroyed and lost. I have been here a month, but finally, I'm starting to see a small sparkle in her smile again.

I'm asking God not to let me stay in Ohio, but to place me where I need to be and to protect my sister while I'm away, it's not my job to protect her but I sure do try. I'm scared of leaving my sister as I'm afraid she'll lose the real smiles and the happiness she's seems to be finding again. I'm anxious about leaving because of what awaits back home, what will happen in Ohio, will I ever return, will my sister be okay, will my nieces be ok, do I have to leave, why do I need to leave? I'm reminding myself to trust God. To not worry so much. To let it be in His hands.

God's timing is perfect. Trust God. Listen to His voice. He has you in the palm of His hand,