I don't even know where to start. My world is spinning and I can't make it stop. My life just keeps going no matter what I do and I want it to slow down. I started this post a very long time ago and it started out to being a depressing post to where I was feeling so sorry for myself and felt like my life didn't matter. My life does matter, it matters to a lot of people and God is finally opening my eyes to that. My heart is so bitter towards my family, my dad, and to people in my life that really hurt me. I can't trust, I can't move on, I can't open up, I can't truly live my life if I am bitter. The longer my heart is bitter the more my life starts to look bitter the more my heart looks dark. My actions will change and the people in my life will leave or become more concerned. I don't want to be a dark and cold person because that isn't who I am, God gave me this gift to find the best in every person and find the best in every situation. Why should I hate myself? Why should I hate my life? My life, it's a gift from God. Nothing else matters, because I matter, my life matters.
God gave me this life to use it, to love, to live, to make friends, but to worship and glorify Him. God gave us love and friends to help make our short lives here comfortable but don't get to comfortable because 80-90 years is not a long time compared to eternity. I am done feeling sorry for where my life has been because that was yesterday! Yesterday is behind me and it no longer matters because today is today, today is the day God gave me. Tomorrow? Well it isn't guaranteed. Our future isn't guaranteed, the only thing we are guaranteed in our future is death, and that heaven or hell will be apart of it.
I no longer want to live my life in the shadows and fearing if Satan is going to get into my head and rip me apart. The only reason Satan could ever do that is because I let him, I didn't trust God, I didn't trust in our Lord and Savior. I didn't trust in this God who sent his only son to die on the cross for my sins. My life matters. God gave me this life and I am going to use it to glorify Him and live for Him.
I had mentioned that my life has been hard, my heart has been ripped out of my chest and it's been broken and shattered. I always felt sorry for myself because I was different, I had the torture in my life. I found it as a bad thing but it's not, all those things that happened to me are blessings because it made me who I am today. The person that people in my life love. I can let all those things corrupt my mind and change who I am and let it change my future or I can move on, trust God, and not let be my future.
I chose to move on. Trust God. Not let my past become my future.
I don't know how to let go and let God take it all, I may have to work on that but I know that's what I want, what I need. I don't know where to start to let God lead my life but the first place I can start is opening my bible. I am putting on the armor of God and pushing through till the end. God is holding me in the palm of his hands. I will no longer let Satan corrupt me, I will no longer follow after stupid temptation. There will be trials. There will be heartache. There will be tragedies. There will be hate. There will be temptations. BUT God will hold me as long as I trust in Him.
Thank you, God for opening my heart and mind. <3
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