Best Friends

Today I was thinking about a friend of mine, Lexi. She is one of the most sweetest and one of the most caring people that I know!! She has been like my best friend, more like sister for the longest time. She has been my friend, best friend, sister and my twin since I can remember! Every time I see her I get a smile and a hug! She is always checking up on me when I see her!

Today I was just thinking of her and how I miss hanging out with her. How I miss just miss her in general. How I miss the fun times we use to have together. I miss the conversations we use to have when I would stay at her house and we would lay in bed just staring at the ceiling talking back and forth about random things, God, Life, and family.

I miss her :)

Lexi and I a few years back :)

Why Should I Care?

I find today that today has been the hardest day I have had in a long time. I feel not even worthless, I feel worse then that..I don't see a reason to try anymore or for talking or for breathing.... Just want to be done. I am in pain. So bad emotion wise it hurts physically. It drains me...

I realized I have no 'friends'. My Family hates me and my old friends hate me...I didn't know why at first but now... maybe I do because I hate me to....Today is one of those days where I realized that the pain I hold inside and the words I hold inside is just making me feel more pain..I needed to get these words out even if they don't make real sense... 

My own father wants nothing to do with me. My family doesn't either...Why should I want anything to do with me? Why do I need to care if my family doesn't or over half the people I know don't care either? Seriously, why should I? I don't care about myself as I should...I make so many mistakes, and I KNOW God is enough but I feel like he has turned his back on me and I am just sitting in a hole that is about to be covered up and I am going to be suffocated? I'm depressed all the time, which I don't get why... but that seems to be my fault to.. along with my Mom leaving me. My family Hating me. My dad not caring. My Grandparents not really noticing...and Why I am the way I am?? Is it because I made the wrong choice? and I know I can control the choices I make... Why should I keep trying if all i do is pick the wrong choice?

Am I wrong to feel this way? Do i just need to suck it up and face reality?


Theses Answers...I never may get! 

Drift

"I am just another nothing"

Drift by Emily Osment

I am just another number
Stack me up I'll crumble
And drift along

I am just another nothing
Light me up I'll fall in
And then be gone

Lalay lalay lalay
Oh
Lalay lalay lalay
Oh
Lalay lalay lalay
Oh

I am well suited
For erasing
Fading into hazy
I'm sinking strong
Lalay lalay lalay
Oh Lalay lalay lalay
Oh Lalay lalay lalay
Oh

And then it's all
Over and done

Lalay lalay lalay
Oh
Lalay lalay lalay
Oh
Lalay lalay lalay
Oh

Lalay lalay lalay
Oh

Well suited for erasing
Lalay lalay lalay
Oh

Fading into hazy

Lalay lalay lalay
Oh

I'm sinking
Strong 

Breathe Me

This song pretty much explains my day... :(

It was a bad day! A Very Bad day!

Breathe Me By Sia
Help, I have done it again 
I have been here many times before 
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame 

Be my friend 
Hold me, wrap me up 
Unfold me 
I am small 
I'm needy 
Warm me up 
And breathe me 

Ouch I have lost myself again 
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found, 
Yeah I think that I might break 
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend 
Hold me, wrap me up 
Unfold me 
I am small 
I'm needy 
Warm me up 
And breathe me 

Be my friend 
Hold me, wrap me up 
Unfold me 
I am small 
I'm needy 
Warm me up 
And breathe me